The Latest Slack Chat from Barstool Politickin’

Mongolian Streetwalkers

T: Hey J, I got an idea for a great show.

J: tv show?

T: Yeah. Jersey Shore vs. Duck Dynasty in a battle to the death. The winners get to fuck the Kardashians, the losers have to go fuck the Honey Boo Boos.

J: Won’t the losers be dead?

T: Oh, right.

J: Honey Boo Boo is going to have to go fuck herself.

T: That poor kid. That poor, poor little diabetic coma-waiting-to-happen kid. That poor, she probably already has three step sister nephew-children kid.

J: She probably weighs 450 pounds too.

T: “How do you solve a problem like Honey Boo Boo?

J: “Here Comes Honey Moo Moo”

T: Her husband is a crane operator. How funny is that?

J: Do you mean ironic?

T: Well, it better be ironic.

J: No kidding – a wooden crane ain’t lifting that mountain.

J: You can’t make this stuff up:

Man sits on gun, shoots himself in crotch

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (WKRC) – A Jacksonville man accidentally shot himself in the penis when he sat down on a gun in the driver’s seat in his car. Several media outlets report that the man ran into his girlfriend’s house after the gun discharged.

T: I’m impressed, to be honest. He hit such a small target.

J: Florida Man strikes again.

T: Did he have health care?

J: This might be the ultimate Florida Man story:

Pool Suction

Man catches penis in swimming pool suction fitting.

T: Yaknow, I never really thought of Florida as a redneck state until recently. I always thought of it as a giant Miami.

J: There’s two things about this next one.. it’s on the website of Fairleigh Dickinson… and the study was obviously done at the wrong place… should’ve been USC, they’re the Trojans.

users.dickinson.edu

T: I’m not reading anything in APA style; gimme the upshot. What’s the rub?

So to speak.

J: It’s a study on condom usage among college students.

T: What’s Farleigh Dickinson’s mascot, the diaphragm?

J: Fairly Dickinsome.

T: That’s about a third grade level joke.

J: And my mother said I’d never grow up.

T: That’s a legitimate threat when she’s holding a meat cleaver.

J: Naw, I could always outrun her. She could still hit into her 40s, but she lost her legs early.

T: You see Dance Mom’s new show, Salad Tossing Moms?

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The Peanut Gallery

 

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