Hi everybody, and welcome to the Internet’s foremost Beltway dive bar.
This slack chat website is the brainchild of notorious subversives (and notorious slackers) Johnny “Cake” Hunter and Terry “Chatterin’ Teeth” Vent (guess who got first pick of nicknames?).
These guys have been off the grid for decades. They were thought to be traveling the Pacific Rim, trading inflatable Harold Stassen dolls to the natives for Polynesian weed, but a cursory google search found them hiding in the witness protection program. They were tossed in the program in 1983, after they testified in the infamous “we can’t believe it’s not butter” truth in advertising scandal that took down Orville Redenbacher.
I think one of them is in a cult and the other one sells insurance, but I’m not sure which one sold his soul to an evil demagogue, and which one sells flowers at the airport. Don’t give them any money; they’ll blow it all on Hawaiian pizza and Klondike bars.
Ideologically, they are radical centrists. Both have, at times, cast ballots for chronic losers in both major parties, the occasional third party, and once (I think) for a mollusk. Neither one of them voted for Trump, but they think Ivanka is super hot.
Enjoy the madness.
D.B. Cooper (shh.)