My girlfriend dumped me in April
And then my wife moved out in June
The dog ran off in October
To go howling at the harvest moon
When mama died on Christmas night from a broken heart, ’cause I done her wrong
I thought, oh, my my – is my life just a fucked up country song?
My buddy Bubba got the dandruff
Head and Shoulders let him down
HIs wife said he’s too flaky
And she took her love to town
My gums are bleeding
My hairline’s receding
And my sex drive’s everything but gone
Oh my my — is my life just a fucked up country song?
Should I lay down my head and cry
In a Lonestar Texas beer
And cry about the heartbreak
From this god-forsaken year
I thought it was all a wet dream,
But it’s been a nightmare all along
So I’ll wrap my whole life story up
In this fucked up country song
I cut my story on vinyl
And I played it in reverse
I found the pall bearers and my mama
Playing poker in the hearse
My kids came back, my exe got fat
My bald spot filled back in
The moon started howling at the dog
And my beer turned into …. tequila! (play a few bars of tequila to kick it back in)
Let’s hang down our heads and cry
In our Lonestar Texas beers
And sing about the heartaches
From this godforsaken year
Let’s make our lives into wet dreams
Instead of nightmares on and on
Take our messed up shit
Toss it in the pit
Like a fucked up country song
