A Sad ole’ Country Song

My wife moved out in august
My girlfriend left in June
My dog ran off last autumn
To howl at the harvest moon
Mama died on Christmas, of a broken heart ‘cause I done her wrong
Oh, my my – my messed up life’s just a sad ole’ country song

Dandruff covers my coveralls
Head and Shoulders let me down
My cousin-wife Janey Beth thinks I’m flaky
So she took her love to town
My gums are bleeding
My hairline’s receding
And my sex drive’s long, long gone
Oh my my- my messed up life’s just a sad ole’ country song

I’ll just lay down my head and cry
In my Lonestar Texas beer
And cry about all the heartaches
In this god forsaken year
Some folks’ lives are wet dreams,
But mine’s been a nightmare all along
So I’ll wrap my whole life story up
In a sad ole’ country song

I took my ole’ life story
And I played it in reverse
I found the pall bearers and my mama
Playing poker in her hearse
My girl came back, my ex-wife got fat
My hair grew back in place
The moon started howling at my dog
And my beer laughed in my face

Let’s hang our heads and cry
In our Lonestar Texas beers
Let’s sing about the heartaches
From this godforsaken year
Let’s make our lives into wet dreams
Instead of nightmares on and on
Take our messed up shit
Toss it in the pit
Like a sad ole’ country song