Bigger, Longer and Uncool

Anybody ever see the South Park Movie? Kyle’s mom is a big fat bitch who blames Canada because the children say a bunch of dirty words. Eventually she talks the president into starting a war and executing a couple of Canadians who cuss a lot. The Devil is living in sin with Saddam Hussein. When blood is spilled up on the temporal plain the prophecies say the Devil gets to come up, take over the world and rule everything. Eventually Kenny, who was scragged before the opening credits when a lit fart got out of hand, brings everyone back to life after Cartman – who was implanted with an electric buzzer that went off when he cussed – kills Hussein with a lightning bolt after cussing a blue streak and screaming Barbra Streisand at the top of his lungs.

Confused? Don’t sweat it, the movie is only about an hour long and they sing through most of it. The point is, the scenario is beginning to look familiar:

The Devil (in this case a well meaning force of evil, being manipulated by a dude who really is evil) – Donald Trump
Saddam Hussein – Steve Bannon
The general who shoots Bill Gates (he’s a symbol for the right) – the right
Mrs. Broflovsky (Kyle’s anal retentive bitch mom) – the left
Stan and Kyle – the center
That limey douchebag – the democrats
Mr. (Mrs.?) Garrison – the republicans
Big Gay Al – Hollywood
Cynical French kid – The CIA
The clitoris – I think it’s a metaphor for the left and the right learning how to tolerate each other. Or it’s a sex thing.
Wendy – Vomit-inducing usually means facing your deepest, darkest fears. Or it’s a sex thing.
Terrance and Phillip (the Canadians Mrs. Broflovsky wants to execute for cussing) – American Muslims
The plain full of dead soldiers – the rest of us

The moral of the story? First, intolerance stinks no matter who you intolerate (that means you too, liberal left). Second, if it walks like an evil duck and it talks like an evil duck, get it the hell away from the launch codes. Third, don’t be a limey douche bag – and for chrissakes take a minute to find the clitoris once in a while.