October 10, 2016
T: Welcome to what is going to be a messy mess, I think. We’ve never done this before, so everything is experimental.
J:Welcome everyone… this should be fun, right?
T: I’ll be ecstatic if I just keep my temper tonight … So, J … how does Hillary respond to Trump’s press conference?
J: Hard to say… I’m sure she’s got something ready for him though.
T: My best guess is that she generalizes … something along the lines of “well, my husband was part of an old boy network that can’t be allowed to continue” – something like that.
J: If I was her I’d say something along the lines of “If you want to keep reliving 1992, that’s up to you, but I and the rest of the country have moved on… we want to address the pressing issues facing America today.”
T: The only problem with that is Trump can come back with “well, that was 2005, so why are we talking about THAT??”
D: At this point….what does it matter?
T: I was going to say something like that, D. One thing that might get lost in the shuffle is that Hillary was already several points ahead in the polls. She doesn’t need to win this argument and I can’t see how she can possibly lose it … but then again how did we get here? Nothing is logical as long as we are talking about The Donald.
J: I think that bringing the accusers on will backfire. It will just make her a sympathetic figure.
T: At this point is it possible for Trump to look loonier? Probably not … but he is upping his creepy factor and … what would you call it? The abuser factor?
J: He’s definitely upping the ick factor.
D: So……what are we drinkin?
T: I was thinking about that earlier today. He’s so far beyond the normal edges of decency that it’s disorienting.
T: I don’t drink much anymore myself … I’m loading up on Wyler’s light fruit punch. I can’t imagine listening to Trump with a load on …I’d put a rock through my television screen.
J: I’ve got my fizzy lemonade here. What’s the drinking game? When Trump says “great”?
D: Lemonade here…….and Kokanee……to temper the acid dontcha know.
J: Here we go.
T: Tic Tac unendorsed Trump?
D: Do you really believe that HRC is any more decent in reality than Trump? I mean…….she doesn’t spew vomitus tripe like he does……..but in reality behind the scenes do you think she is “more decent”?
T: Don, you have had decades to decide what you think about her. Nothing I say is going to compete with that.
D: An honest question………I mean no ill wil.
T: I think I’ll actually have to start drinking if Hillary walks up to Trump and tongue kisses him.
J: No middle finger, but only just barely.
T: Trump looked like he was heading in for a root canal … like I predicted, no handshake! What odds was Vegas paying out for that?
J: They were laying 5-2.
T: Trump was laying … aw screw it, it’s too easy.
J: Trump is awfully fidgety there. He’s losing the thread already. The question was about the kids of America.
T: He’s trying to be mild mannered Trump Kent. He’s usually stomping all over the place, like a kid with ADHD.
J: African-Americans are GREAT! Drink!
T: Deflecting. FYI, ISIS is getting its brains beat in right now. Trump treats campaign briefings like so much toilet paper.
Trump treats everything like a dog – if he can’t eat or fuck it, he pisses all over it.
J: ISIS will be run out of the last town they hold by the end of the year.
T: Well, it’s easy to beat up criminals. The trick is to neutralize ’em.
D: What a disaster.
J: Oh, here it comes…. the sex-tape question.
T: That wasn’t what I expected – he just regurgitated his old schtick.
J: GREAT! Drink!
T: Bread and circuses … he’s making lots of promises, nothing unusual.
D: What about THE ISSUES?????? (not that this isn’t an issue……it is……) but I wonder if we are going to hear anything about the rest of them?
J: GREAT! Drink!
T: He looks calm: he’s about to spring what he thinks is his big move. Here we go.
J: GREAT! Drink!
T: Trump called Paula Jones a loser back in the 1990s … I wonder if Hillary mentions that? Trump confessed to sexual assault, just to be clear.
J: No, it’s really no surprise that he blames Hillary for Bill’s cheating. That’s how he rolls.
D: Hillary has Gary Johnson’s cotton mouth………..can you hear it?
J: Man, I would be hammered by the end of this thing if I was really drinking.
T: Pretty strong statement, accusing Hillary of assault herself … and here comes crazy Trump. Flinging feces now. He’s on tip toes, you see it?
J: He’s going to lose it.
T: He’s about to the precipice.
.J: Trump is still snorting, what is the deal with that? Has he got the walking pneumonia?
T: Carrie Fisher says he’s doing cocaine, but that’s ridiculous. He’s 70 years old. He’d be dead if he was doing that much coke.
D: Got it.
T: Lol, how wild is that? Trump is going to bring the seventeenth investigation into Hillary’s email server.
J: Acid-washed E-mails?
T: At this point I’m sure Hillary would love to share all those emails. He’s gone, seeya. The applause is probably deliberate, Hillary’s people told ’em to egg him on, lol.
J: LOL! Man, he’s losing his shit… he’s off his nut.
T: What else does Trump have? Benghazi, I suppose …there’s another hour and he’s about out of bullets. And C means confidential, not classified.
J: He’ll jail Hillary. Oh, that’s nice.
T: 22 million GW emails, btw. He’s so disappointed. 39,000? Wasn’t it 33,000? Am I seriously questioning Trump’s accuracy? He’s about as careful with his facts as a four-year-old, peeing in a reservoir.
J: He’s over the precipice… we’re going to get to watch a live meltdown on national TV.
T: Oh GOD the laughter!!! I’m a gentleman (loud laughter) – that’s Hillary’s next ad.
J: This guy wants to be President? Really?
T: Is that the moment? The official, stick a fork in him moment?
J: Yep, there’s another ad. Trump is the gift that keeps on giving.
T: Is she deliberately going over, to bait him?
J: No specifics on what Trump would replace it with.
T: Does he have any specific plans for anything?
J: Specifics are against his policy.
J: GREAT! Drink!
T: Anybody can say everything sucks.
J: GREAT! Drink!
T: He’s not as nutso as I thought he would be at this point – he saved himself a little.
J: It was great when it was Romneycare, though.
T: Classic “media is the message” illustration, there.
J: I said GREAT! Drink!
T: Trump ain’t the only one losing it tonight.
J: Rut roh, Muslim ban again … let’s see how he handles it this time.
T: He should convert.
J: Muslims have to report. Here’s your yellow star.
T: He’s still holding it together, he calmed down after the audience laughed at him. Does Hillary push him again, or does she take the air out of the ball?
D: She just restated his point.
T: It’s such a good point … “I’d like to report an old white man in a blue suit terrorizing Muslims, Mexicans, African-Americans, Women, gerbils, marsupials, and I’m pretty sure a taco bowl (the video is fuzzy)” – every Muslim watching the debate … Clinton’s response was weak, though. She’s taking the air out of the ball.
J: Second mention of Khan. Not sure that helps her much. She’ll stick the needle in again. It’s just too easy.
T: How many times does he have to hear the tape of him supporting the war before he stops saying he didn’t say it?
J:”Disaster” would have been a good drinking word, too.
T: Yaknow, it’s gotten fairly snoozy, hasn’t it? Prevent defense isn’t as lively as “common, Donald, we all know you want to say it.”
J: It was pretty lively early but it’s turned kind of slow lately.
T So … top of the hour it gets interesting, huh? Tax returns, self-dealing, Cuba … What else? I’m sure we are going to get at least some Wall Street angst from Trump – where he pretends that he speaks for all those people he avoided so many taxes for.
J: Well, here comes the Wall Street question.
R: Why don’t you interrupt her?
J: Oh, here’s the bait… the religious-test thing.
T: Hey R!
T: He just makes it up … pouting in at a record clip is wrong – there have been more Hispanics leaving than coming in to the country since 2007, and Obama has deported more illegals than any president in history.
T: Ooh, should he be bragging about endorsements? Hillary is going to kill him on that.
J: He just denies what he’s on tape as saying. He really does live in his own reality.
D: Guys…….do you think that maybe her questions and answers are scripted?
T: No, Don, just well practiced. Hillary prepares. That’s not a bad thing.
D: OK……I had to ask.
T: Trump has trained anyone who spent too much time listening to him to doubt everything about Hillary, so it’s hard to keep a balanced opinion.
J: I think she might have rehearsed some mini-speeches and just uses them as the opportunity arises.
T: Sure. So does Trump. He really struggles when he gets off script.
T: Uh oh … Hillary has the cat that ate the canary look on her face – she’s about to go after him.
J: Two GREATS! Pour me a double!
R: Wow! This Putin Relationship is kind of weird…
T: Trump has most of his money tied up overseas.
J: Wait, what? You’re a billionaire and she can afford to do more ads than you?
D: They all do…..Clintons included.
T: The Clintons aren’t business people, they are consultants. They get paid, they don’t invest. As their primary business, anyway. Trump doesn’t invest any more, either. He hasn’t built anything since 2006.
D: I think consultant is stretching it……they are paid speakers.
T: Bigly – is that a double?
J: No, but I’ll drink anyway. And our tax rates are comparatively low, actually.
T: What are we, Don? Musicians are just paid “speakers” too. Is there something wrong with that?
D: As musicians? More similiar to speakers than consultants……….but I believe we provide a “service” that goes beyond what a paid speaker has to offer.
J: GREAT! Drink!
T: Who decides what’s valuable? The person signing the check decides. Speak, sing – what’s the difference?
J: I think that’s about ten. I would be so wasted by now.
T: Ten???? Try twenty. Richie’s dog just threw up.
R: Wake up poor & middle class Americans! I think Trump is gonna cater to the wealthy!
J: Trump catering to the rich? Next you’ll be telling me that there’s gambling at Rick’s.
T: I gotta say – this panel is pretty anti-Trump, isn’t it?
R: If this is so obvious why are so many poor people with ebt cards in their pockets voting Trump!
T: Trump’s voters are, on average, actually higher income than the rest of the country. I know, it surprised me too.
R: Bullshit. I don’t know a lot of wealthy yet people that are unemployed or on welfare are screaming Trump.
T: Oh sure. When there are millions of something you are going to get a wide cross-section. Keep in mind that the median voting age is 53. Hillary was a Senator for eight years with a republican president, but apparently she was supposed to cure cancer and get rid of his post nasal drip. Lol, I beat her to it.
R: Apparently not because so many poor Caucasians want to vote for Trump!
T: What the hell is he talking about? What does he know about the nuclear program? The money that went to Iran was Iranian money, not American money. It was payment for previous frozen accounts.
J: It was basically just unfreezing THEIR OWN money.
T: And we are killing ISIS, fyi. Russia is actually killing Syrians.
R: He knows what his buddy Putin tells him! Trump will probably just let Putin run the White House.
J: And Pence gets thrown under the bus.
T: Now he’s really channeling Archie Bunker.
D: “Everybody pulled his weight……guys like us we had it made……those were the days.”
T: Trump sits around, shooting the shit with his Medal of Honor recipients, grabbing poor, unsuspecting kittens …
J: WTF was that?
J: Trump’s answer… he talked for two minutes and didn’t say a word?
D: Clarence Carter? (Editor’s note: The questioner’s name was James Carter.)
J: Jimmy Carter sure looks different.
T: In the year of the outsider, the year of the grievance … we are going to get the most insider candidate of the bunch because the outsider voters didn’t bother taking the time to pick a viable candidate. They could have owned this election.
J: I wonder if Trump ever read the books that he supposedly wrote?
T: Trump is being just as big a dick as ever, but he’s just not all that amped up. Did he lose his starch when they laughed at him?
J: Nah… I was hoping for more. So, what do you guys think? Who won, who lost?
T: I don’t think Trump is coming out of this well either way, and I don’t think Clinton gave him much in the way of bulletin board material.
J: I think the moderators need a kill button for microphones.
D: I can’t make up my mind……..I’m gonna reserve judgement until after the 4am Tweets.
T: My big takeways are (1) Trump was tame, almost cowed, after he was laughed at. At that point he looked like he was about to go into his full bully mode. (2) Hillary’s non-hand shake (which I predicted, by the way right John?) will be the big story tomorrow morning.
J: GREAT! Drink!
T: Is he bragging about giving money? Isn’t this the guy with the 916 million dollar tax loss?
J: GREAT! Drink!
J: They stopped saying that for a while, so I had a chance to sober up.
J: Yes, you did call that. You win two internets. About what I expected; Clinton was clearly better prepared. Trump came off as kinda whiny, frankly, with his complaints about the moderators and so on.
T: The text – the meat – of the debate, to me, was typical typical, nothing that anyone is going to remember tomorrow. The Trump move to try to demonize Hillary through Bill’s sexual history … that seems to have either had no effect or perhaps backfired a bit. My best guess is no long-term effect.
J: Nothing substantive, nothing that’s really going to change any minds, I would say.
T: All I’m going to remember is Trump getting laughed at for saying he’s a gentleman.
J: That’ll be in a Hillary ad by morning.