Barstool Politickin'

Slack Chat: The Branding of KellyAnne Conway

T: What do you think of this idea, J? A good ten percent of Trump’s supporters might be Obama fans who are bored by Hillary, like Obama was a Philly Cheese Steak and Hillary is a tuna sandwich.

J: Maybe not bored by Hillary, but put off by her… I think a lot of Trump’s support is really anti-Clinton voting rather than pro-Trump.

T: Parents who bought Tickle me Elmos and Cabbage Patch Babies for their kids, they are bored by the Hillary choice. They want another cool toy, not socks and underwear. They want candy in their stocking, not educational games. The put-off crowd, I think that’s the main block … angry white people, basically. Archie Bunker on a rant, Edith with her panties in a bunch. Angry people who want Kaepernick to stand the fuck up. Scared people who think all brown people are thugs and terrorists. Confused people who want gays to go to the bathroom according to gender, not sexual orientation (I’m one of those, actually). The common theme, I think, is that they want the world to look safe, simple. Nice. Pleasant.

Pleasantville. The bored Trump voters, the Obama loving Trump voters … they are addicted to shiny objects, sort of. The big man on campus. Obama is sort of a rock star, while Hillary is more of a stage manager. Trump, of course, is a rock star. His rallies play like rock concerts. In truth, though, he’s more of a hypnotist, a snake oil salesman who uses every manipulation trick he knows – and he knows them all – to lull his audiences into the falsest of false senses of security.

J: It might be that people think that Trump would be a man of action, as opposed to a manager, but the truth is that he would be limited in what he can do…  the presidency isn’t a kingship.

T: That’s one of the nails on the head people aren’t thinking about. Trump’s game is misdirection; he is almost the diabolical opposite of what he claims to be. As a result there is virtually no value in his words – unless you are smart enough to read the opposite of what he is saying – but he waves his watch and they believe every word.

J: No… They think he will just go in and rip down the whole Washington power structure. He would soon find out the limits of presidential power. Congress wouldn’t let him carry out a lot of the things he’s proposing, and the courts wouldn’t let him carry out a lot more. He’d be politically neutered by the end of his first year in office.

T: I wonder … how long until he tries to bypass Congress? Obama set the precedent. It would be hard to argue that he’s not allowed, after Obama used executive orders so often.

J: Well, it would depend on what he was trying to do. I’m sure he’d try, but whether the courts would let him succeed and to what extent would be an open question.

T: Keep in mind that the country – a lot of the country – is going to scream for him to do things. What happens when he decides to make a punitive drone strike on, say, Kabul?

J: Did you see today that he came out in favor of racial profiling? That’s been found unconstitutional, but he seems to think it can be “tweaked” to pass legal muster. I’m sure THAT’LL help him with African-American voters, he said sarcastically.

T: What if some Pakistani blows up a church? Does he bomb Karachi?

J: What if some Saudi blows up a church? Does he bomb Riyadh and take the oil, like he wanted to in Iraq?

T: Saudis don’t blow up churches any more than Iraqis are terrorists. They are the rich kids. Arabian Trumps.

J: It wouldn’t matter. In Trump’s tiny mind, all brown people are lumped together.

T: Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bush Jr. thought that way, too. They figured we wouldn’t know the difference – and we didn’t. We supported the attack on Iraq, and we condemned anyone who didn’t toe the company line. Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks called foul, and the whole band got fucked up. Toby Keith got rich. Ten years later the slimy prick Keith said he was never for the war. Fucking asshole, the perfect Trump voter. It’s like he doesn’t think anyone will ever call him on his bullshit. Are we going to?

J: As much as possible, yes… if the fucking media would call him on it, it would be better. There’s been a little more of that recently, but not nearly enough.

T: New York Times is killing me. They write up whatever he says as if it’s news. Every fucking thing that comes out of his mouth. They are literally his mouthpiece, his public address system. They piss me off. They should be embarrassed – they are cashing in, peddling their asses on Trump Street.

J: Well, they know that Trump means eyeballs on their page, and fuck actual journalism.

T: Yeah. The other day … they write “Trump fires back” over and over, then Tim Kaine defends himself and they report “Kaine controversy”. Why not “Kaine fires back”?

J: Or  “Trump controversy”?

T: NYT is a fucking Trump brothel. They aren’t supporting him, just feeding off him, selling their journalistic soul for a mess of Trumpage.

J: If they would stop fellating him and report the actual news, the election wouldn’t even be close.

T: New York Times, the only source you need for  Trumpaganda. NYT = need you, Trump.

J: Trump is an hairy man… and Ailes is a smooth man. That’s in the Bible, somewhere around the mess-of-pottage thing.

T: The unholy trinity – the rapist, the racist, and the .. .what do we call that hypocritical worm Preibus? What do we know about ole’ Kellyanne Conway? I wonder how many times Ailes has assaulted her … There are going to be some must-read books in a few years, aren’t there?

J: Yep, going to be some must-reads coming out of this election.

T: Conway’s might be the most explosive, especially if she gets pissed. She knows where a lot of bodies are buried. Talk about the ultimate crazy ex-girlfriend. That whole crew – what a bunch of creeps. I bet even the staffers sexually harass her. Who’s she going to complain to? Ailes?

J: She’s probably NDA’d out the ass. (Editor’s note: NDA is non-disclosure agreement)

T: Could be – but I bet she winds up talking in court, or on the hill.

J: Maybe both.

T: What are the odds Trump commits treason as the President?

J: If he were to be elected, near 100%.

T: Is he capable of driving this dammed country without plowing it into a telephone pole? He’s Toonces the driving president.

J: I wouldn’t trust him to run a fucking lemonade stand, much less the country.

T: Driving off a cliff near you.

J: Going all Thelma and Louise.

T: Yep, and the country is Louise.

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