God Wakes Up

And one day God saw that mankind had gotten too uppity.
Mankind had overstepped his bounds and usurped the authority of God by employing not merely cooperation, but socialism.
And God saw that this was not good.
So God took away the products of mankind…his books, his schools, his smart phones, his metallurgy, his chemistry, his indoor plumbing and all manner of the fruits of progress.
And God took away all the cars and all the trucks and all the roads, and all the hydro dams, and all the microwave towers and all the airplanes, and all the containerships and railroads.
And God then took away all the medicines and all the surgical tools.
And God took away all of the weapons of mankind, his nuclear arsenals, his missiles, his guns, his bombs, his knives, his axes.
And God then took away all the clothes and all the houses and shelters.
And mankind was then naked and defenceless and ignorant, crouching wet and cold and fearful in the deserts and forests. And God saw that this was good.
God then said to mankind, “Root, hog, or die!” and then God rested in front of his heavenly big screen television to enjoy the resulting struggle for survival, the gnashing of teeth, and all that stuff.
And behold, within three months the population of the earth was reduced from seven and one half billion to 50 million.
And God saw that those who survived had great and recent reason to be fearful of God, and God saw that this was good.
And the animals of the land and the fishes of the sea and the birds of the air filled the earth and replaced man and God saw that this was good.
And God rested in his God-Cave in heaven and watched the remnants of mankind struggle to survive.
And God observed the strong subjugate the weak.
And God saw that the weak survived by being subservient to the strong.
And God watched from his God La-Z-Boy recliner, eating his God pizza and drinking his God beers, as mankind fought with nature, tooth and nail, to kill animals for their coats and their claws and their teeth, and fashioned crude weapons to kill more animals and beat the shit out of his enemies.
And God laughed. He was looking forward to the next 10,000 years.

 

Gary Fletcher – April 9 2017