T: Hey J, have you ever listened to Michael Che’s standup routines?
J: No, is he the guy from SNL?
T: Yeah, that’s him. Che is one of those observational types, but he’s good at finding the angle that nobody else finds.
Like Louis CK, but actually funny. He doesn’t try to make you feel bad about yourself; he just finds funny angles.
J: I never got Louis CK. He was mildly amusing, but I never got why people thought he was so funny.
T: He’s hilarious to liberals; everything he says is some variation of “your lives suck because you are terrible people.”
J: Louis CK would say we are bad people for not believing in UFOs, and the people who do are bad people because they drink too much.
T: I don’t buy the UFO thing … if we had travelers from other worlds, wouldn’t there be a lot of them?
J: What, you think they have a shuttle service from the Dagmar system?
T: But I can’t buy that Aliens don’t, or won’t, ever exist. Proving a negative is always a temporary fix.
J: So you believe it, or not? Are you walking on air, or did you, in fact, think you would be this free?
T: I am skeptical by nature; I think I’m most skeptical of a null result. The assumption that the unseen doesn’t exist. The assumption of impossibility, to me, is presumptuous on its face
That’s a lot of umpts.
J: It is – what’s umpt with that?
T: Well played, Batman.
J: Shh … nobody is supposed to know about that.
T: Well, get rid of the cape and the leotard, then. But that whole assuming what can’t be understood is just dumb, I think. My largest issue with organized religion isn’t that there ain’t a god, but that so many people make the assumption that their god is THE god. And they all do it, regardless of who their god is.
J: Well, my god can kick your god’s butt, so there. As far as extra-terrestrials, I’m sure they exist, purely on statistical grounds – but there’s nothing to suggest that they’ve ever been here.
T: Or moonshadows. Is that a Muslim thing now, or was it protected by British copywrite?
J: Don’t fall over, there, reaching for that joke.
T: As if some yahoo in a robe, who looks exactly like whoever invented him, is the only god in a universe billions of light-years across.
J: So your god looks like who?
T: Jennifer Lawrence.
J: Yeah, that’ll get you back on your knees. To me, “god” is the guy who set the universe spinning and is sitting back watching it, 13.8 billion years later.
T: The creator.
J: Abra cadabra, the Big Bang. Hocus pocus, some giant bat plummets to his death. Same thing.
T: I guess the closest thing to my “faith” is Voltaire’s deist idea.
J: All gods, as religious people conceive of them, are human constructs. They are invented so the constructors can get control of the three P’s: power, pussy and money.
I couldn’t think of a P-word for money
T: How about the 3 C’s? Cash, control, and vaginas?
J: Is there a smiley face emogee with a completely blank look?