Season 14 top 24 review

I haven’t watched any Idol this year – no time – but since I’ve been writing about it for several years I thought I better at least take a look at the top 24. My favorite female is Jax Cole, my favorite male is Cody Fry. Neither one is all that original, but they have interesting voices and a wide variety of ways they can bend ‘em. Some quick comments on the group:

Adanna Duru – Toolsy and smooth, but she seems sort of play-acty to me.
Alexis Gomez – Dive-bar singer.
Jackie Cole (aka Jax Cole) – She is so talented and charismatic that it might not matter that she doesn’t have an original bone in her body.
Joey Cook – Lena Dunham lookalike with an accordion and that same affected phrasing that used to be cute when DIdi Benami did it. I’d take her more seriously on Last Comic Standing or maybe Cops.
Katherine Winston – If Beeker and Side Show Bob had a kid and she grew up singing Carly Simon songs in Laura Branigan’s voice…
•Loren Lott (aka Loren Sharice) – She would be a better fit in musical theater, I think, where her strong voice and stage presence would be an advantage and the sour notes wouldn’t stand out quite so much.
•Lovey James – All moves, no movement.
•Maddie Walker (aka Madisen Walker) – Greener than a can a’ niblets.
•Sarina-Joi Crowe – She is one of my old favorites, from the group of teeny boppers who sang “Somebody to Love” on Group Night several years ago. She’s been on the show for years, but she is still only nineteen. With Idol apparently winding down, I’m glad to see her get a shot. She’s not a serious contender – too sloppy with her intonation and she seems to have lost that really sweet tone that I loved so much back when – and most of what I liked has been beaten out of her in an attempt to make her a better Idol candidate.
•Shaina ‘Shi’ Scott – Adele imitator, to the point that she probably shops for Adele hair samples on Ebay.
•Shannon Berthiaume – Tiny little Janis Joplin chew toy – she honestly has no business in front of this sort of crowd, but she’s likeable. If she doesn’t freak out, she might last a few weeks.
•Tyanna Jones – Amber Holcomb’s butch little sister (figuratively, I don’t think they are actually related). Tons and tons of voice, but pretty green.
•Adam Ezegelian – If Howie Mandell ate Jeffrey Ross and then had a kid with Axle Rose that snorted paint chips… THAT kid wouldn’t be as weird as this guy. Old people might remember Avery Schreiber; this kid is what would happen if you tossed Avery Schreiber into a blender.
•Clark Beckham – He can blow, and he can play the part, but can he sing in rhythm?
•Cody Fry – Ryan Gosling’s effeminate Irish tenor doppelganger.
•Daniel Seavey – Kid hit puberty in the waiting room before group night – if he is still here next week I’ll be shocked. He plays his instruments well, though.
•Nick Fradiani, Jr. – Rob Thomas on some good mood stabilizers; I see no reason why he can’t be good, but he’s way too pretty to be a serious contender.
•Qaasim Middleton – He treads the fine line between performance art and being a spaz most of the time, but there are indicators in there that lead me to believe he’s actually doing all those weird things on purpose, for effect. Or he needs to be medicated, I don’t know.
•Quentin Alexander – All style, no voice.
•Rayvon Owen – He sings like someone who is about to change gears, but he never does. The way he keeps squinting while he sings – it’s like Gilbert Gottfried had a kid with the guy from “Fine Young Cannibals.”
•Riley Bria – Is he the one that sort of pretends he is Keith Urban? He should pretend he’s a guy who needs guitar lessons. He sings ok, though, and it is a singing competition. Just ditch the ax, ok? You can’t play it.
•Savion Wright – There must be something I’m missing about this guy that gives the judges pause, like maybe he’s a flake or a clown and not serious enough, because talent-wise I think he’s a standout.
•Tion Phipps – He has more video online than Lady Gaga, but I still don’t really know what to make of him. He tries hard, you gotta give him that.
•Trevor Douglas Haueisen – Jesus, he looks just like that cartoon kid Sherman. Does he have a dog? I don’t think he’s a singer – he reminds me of a Jimmy Fallon impression more than a real artist.